For today’s session, I wanted to concentrate on point of view. One of the most difficult things when starting off a new story can be finding the right voice, the best way to make a story work. I find that I often move from a first person narrator to a third person narrator right in the middle of my work, and of course as a result everything gets confused and I end up having to start over from the beginning. So this is something I would like to focus on in my own writing: a consistent point of view.
We started off by going over a story that I’m working on at the moment about Amy May, a twelve year-old who is going through some big changes. The story is (happily) getting longer, so it took a while to read through and discuss, which meant we didn’t get through all the work I had set for the day.
Exercise 1 – Free writing, but to get people started I had set 4 possible opening lines, trying to vary them a little so that there was some choice to make as to the point of view: “The water was cold”; “She had a long neck”; “We left early”; “I’m really hungry”
Here are a few extracts of what came out:
From Narelle:
The water was cold. I held my breath and waded in past my belly button, feeling the prickly sensation creeping over my bare skin. Suddenly I lost my footing on the concrete floor and slid right in up to my neck. I shrieked and flapped my arms about, trying to keep my head above water and then I started to feel warm and free. My long hair flowed around my shoulders like seaweed and for an instant I became a mermaid.
From me (Natasha):
She had a long neck. My father told me once that it was from peering over the neighbours’ fences. She’d strained it so much that over time it had stretched. Mum said Dad was unkind and that I shouldn’t trust anything he had to say about her, because he didn’t particularly like her. Apparently she had the most amazing collection of beautiful scarves – silk hand-painted or designer printed scarves – she would wear cleverly around her neck to disguise its peculiarity. Mum had managed to save a few before the house burnt down. She kept them tucked away safely in the attic, in a small faded red patent faux-crocodile suitcase neatly labelled “Aunt Beth”.
From Chris:
The water was cold but it didn’t matter; we liked to fish at all times of the year. We’d pass the time near a small lake a stones throw from my dads cabin in Colorado. We’d talk about world events, our lives away from work, new family arrivals, and those who have left us. Sometimes we’d think that the fish would laugh at us. Them down there, us up here. Not a nibble for hours. Catching a single fish in an evening would be good enough. In fact it would be surprising when you think of the odd times we’d try our luck at fishing.
Exercise 2: Choose a childhood memory and write around it in the first person – ie: from your own perspective. Most people have a range of memories, from the trivial to the traumatic – choose one that has some emotional power to it but won’t upset you to explore in writing. Alternatively, if you are a vivid dreamer, choose a recent dream and write it down, embellishing and developing where you see fit. (30 minutes) – this exercise was adapted from a “get writing” exercise (www.bbc.co.uk). Obviously in 30 minutes you can get through rather a lot of writing, so I’m not including full versions here.
From Narelle:
I was seven years old and had just moved up north to Queensland with my mum, my little brother, nan and grandad. We were the first ones in the street. Our houses were still being built — nan and grandad’s at the top of the street, ours at the bottom of the cul-de-sac. There was no road — just a wide dirt track and lots of gum trees. – Read the rest of this story on Narelle’s blog.
From me (Natasha):
(…) My sister and I headed down to the pool where I’d spotted another little girl riding around on a tricycle. I went looking for her and when I found her I asked her to lend me her trike for a little bit so I could have a go.
She just kept shaking her head and the more I begged, the more her little head shook, until finally she got sick of me and shouted out a shrill NO! before pedalling off at full speed around the pool. I tried to run after her, but didn’t count on the edges being so slippery and before I knew it, I was falling into the deep end screaming my head off. I could hear my sister screaming too and as her screams got further away from me I realised she was running away towards the lobby bar. Through my own screaming and tears I heard her shouting out “Come quickly! Help! Natasha’s fallen into the pool!”
And suddenly I heard the doors swing open and from where I was I saw adults streaming out of the hotel and running towards the pool, running towards my persistent screams. And then, to my horror, a half a dozen of them jumped. Some head first, some feet first, realising a second too late that the pool was empty.
From Chris:
I remember the early mornings when my dad and I would go to the flea market in Longhorn Pa. Sometimes he’d wake me around 5 in the morning asking me to join him. I’d always be ready faster than you could blink. Other times he’d find me waiting for him in the living room. I’d be watching TV with my coat and shoes on, bright-eyed, looking at him, the door and the car keys in his hand. Just like a normal kid of 13ish, I’d be looking for game consoles and computers that always seemed to be in my budget. My dad was my personal bank so I’d ask him if I had enough money for the things I wanted. I remember going off on my own looking for things that could fit in my hand, old coins, stamps; anything that seemed to be older than me and possibly older than my dad.
Homework:
Exercise 3: Re-write your story from Exercise 2 from the point of view of a third person narrator.
Exercise 4: This exercise will help you hone your writer’s eye and ear. During the course of the day, scan the local papers and be on the alert when watching TV or listening to the radio. You are looking principally for human interest stories – those quirky coincidences or situations which might start off a short story, play or poem. At this stage, you are only looking for sketches and starting points. Let the emphasis of this exercise be on pinpointing something to write about. Try to identify a starting point each day, based on the flow of information around you. If one of the stories particularly inspires you, why not run with it and start writing? (Thanks to bbc.co.uk’s “get writing”)
Feel free to try these exercises yourselves at home! If you feel like it, why not paste some of your work in the comments section?
